It wasn't a question so much as a request, when I asked my husband Bill to pee around the perimeter of our newly planted veggie patch.

This property backs up to a forest preserve and has a dense population of critters. The beans had just come up and were already being clipped off at an alarming rate. Spraying chemicals such as Ropel around the emerging beans was problematic.  Someone else suggested a fence made from rabbit wire rolls, but I didn't like the notion of climbing in and out of it whenever I thinned the beets or picked radishes. So it seemed like a good idea to have Bill remind the bunnies that a human was lurking about.
 
He refused. What if someone saw him? What would the neighbors think?  Now, we are talking about a man who has made water along highways and byways across the country, joked about polluting the pool and skipped the lines at nightclubs by stepping out back. This regular guy, who has never been shy, was suddenly mortified by my request. "You do it," he said.
 
I know women do. One Hinsdale gardener had her thunder mugs proudly displayed, mellowing for the garden, while our garden club toured. Some earth women believe it to be  a free source of nitrogen and a perfect catalyst for the microbes in a compost pile. But it would be so much easier for him!

"You didn't think it was a bad idea when that guy at the Botanic Gardens said they do it there to keep deer out of the trial gardens," I argued.

"But these are vegetables that we're going to eat," he countered.

"Well it's not as if I'm asking you to whiz all over a head of lettuce!"
 
But he had a point. Just what, besides nitrogen, was in urine and how might it affect the food crops? We don't take a lot of meds, but what about our multi-vitamins and nutritional supplements? What about any concentrated toxins? Isn't that what urine is? The thought of meds brought another perk to mind. Could I get him some viagra and make the peonies and delphiniums, uhhh, stand up? What about an input of calcium, iron and magnesium to boost the value of his output? Designer formulations for the tomatoes or the squash?
 
I ultimately decided not to pursue it. I also realized I would feel funny keeping our secret when serving garden-fresh veggies to friends who come to dinner (although I don't know why they would care; I don't ask if their pets have tinkled on the food they grew). I let the matter drop, but I'm still tempted every time he forgets to flush. He doesn't need to flaunt his stinginess.

— Deb Terrill